ALWAYS

i'll be loving you..........ALWAYS

not for just an hour,

not for just a day,

not for just a year,

but ALWAYS.

THOMAS MICHAEL

Thomas,

thomas michael starts preschool tomorrow. he's growing up so quickly. he talks about you all the time. he keeps your woody woodpecker puppet you had as a boy on his bed. he showed it to someone and they laughed and made the silly sound woody made and he said, " don't laugh, this was pop pop's toy".

he plays soccer now. really likes it.

TO ALL

to all who have loved thomas i say that i am sorry for your loss and pain.

do not think for a minute that i am only aware of my loss.

thank you to everyone who has ever cherished my husband.

BIRTHDAY, DEATHDAY, LIFEDAY (ONE YEAR)

today, your birthday, marks one year since you turned your head, opened your eyes with a look of awe and breathed your last breath when Jesus called you home.

we love you and miss you. your grandson made sure we had a birthday cake for PopPop.

you left footprints of faith and courage and honour to God. we will never be the same without you, yet we have to be willing to leave our own footprints.

thomas, look for me someday when i am called home.

your patricia ann

FATHER'S DAY

today we were reminded about what we already knew......God is in control and is our Heavenly Father, yet life without Thomas will never be the same for my children. the loss they feel is intense. they miss him so very much. we are at times frozen in grief and it hurts when HE continues to pry our fingers off the grief. we recognize how many people have experienced this same pain of loss. letting go is not easy. grateful we have the many memories of a man who loved his children more than himself. thank you Jesus even for this sorrow.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Today, at 6:05 PM, 28 years ago, my father walked me down the aisle at crestmont christian and missionary alliance church in aliquippa, pa to meet my soon to be companion for life, Thomas.

today i spent my first anniversary without him. i lit our memory candle and put our wedding album out. my children stayed with me all day and prepared a nice dinner. we had thomas' favorite dessert, strawberries and angel food cake.

as i looked through the album i noticed those who have gone on. a beloved aunt, a cousin, pastor
mock who married us and now my sweetheart. my throat aches with the memories. i cannot take thomas' hand and grow old with him, yet i can begin to become more grateful for the years we did have.

MOTHER'S DAY

my first mother's day without the beloved, incredible father of my children and grandson.

the absence of his presence is difficult to describe. my heart aches for my children and grandson now that the reality of his going is being fully realized.

thomas michael talks about his Pop Pop almost every day. he has such a healthy attitude about his pop pop that is in heaven with Jesus, yet he was found weeping one morning saying he missed him.

ONE YEAR LATER

it has been one year since thomas and i boarded a small plane to relocate to NC.
little did we know that 10 weeks later, thomas would be gone from this life.

nathan told me that he realizes he has to let go of his daddy. i am trying, yet i feel ill at the thought. we are in such a time warp and find it hard to realize he is not here or that a year has passed since we left PA. some day we will live outside of time forever with the Lord.

tia said as she was driving to work yesterday the song And I Will Rise was on the radio. she missed her daddy terribly as that was the final song played at his memorial service. the Almighty One still reaches and reassures each one of us so gently.

we know thomas is safe in the arms of Jesus as aaron shust had sung at thomas' service.

EASTER

nathan was given the courage to attend easter service. he sat in the same spot his father sat in in a wheelchair last easter. little did we know that in a short time he would complete his ordained days on earth. easter was april 11th last year and we did not know how significant that number would become as thomas died on july 11th. some day we will never have to mark a date on the calendar again. we are grateful nathan was able to represent our family.

this easter the brundages gave their testimony in regards to their daughter's death. they received a standing ovation. we remember thomas received a like ovation at the end of the easter service last year after a prerecorded interview of him a few days earlier was shown. as with the brundages, thomas gave all the glory to the RISEN ONE.

PALM SUNDAY

we are remembering intensely these coming weeks as we approach the 1 year mark leading up to thomas' new life in heaven and our new life without him here.

this time last year thomas was not able to attend church and we were diligently preparing to relocate to north carolina. we did not realize how close thomas actually was to entering eternity future.

nathan reminded me that 4 years ago today he sang "HE REIGNS" at chippewa church with the choir. he remembers his father telling him it was his favorite song that nathan had ever sung.
nathan had sung MANY songs in his young life.

Lord, we thank you for memories.

LAST WORDS

"fall in love with Jesus again" were some of the last words that thomas spoke to me before he died.

GRIEF HELP

a website to sign up for daily emails that deal with the stages of grief.

www.griefshare.org

how unique yet common to all are the stages of grief.

it would be an unbearable loss to live without thomas if i did not believe in the Goodness of God.

MEMORIES

a year has passed since i wrote the first blog on our grandson's 3rd birthday. he celebrated his 4th without his Pop Pop. thomas remembered his blue birthday cake he had in pittsburgh and talked about his PoP Pop. wanted Jesus to give him some birthday cake. we wrote a note on a balloon and sent it to "heaven".

Nathan and Tia endured their birthdays without their daddy. nathan was driving back to slippery rock this past march on his birthday and turned on the radio as he passed one of thomas' favorite restaurants in center twp and he heard the song " I WILL RISE" by Chris Tomlin that was played at the end of thomas' memorial service. a birthday gift from God.